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Final [Girl] Review: The Exorcist

The Exorcist follows...you guessed it...an exorcist who attempts to expel a demon from a tortured girl.

The Exorcist Review

A film that has presumably petrified many eight-year-olds whose parents let them watch this movie much too young for their developing minds.

A chilling story of demon possession.

A top result when searching “scariest movies of all time.”

Let’s begin...

A priest is conducting a dig in Iraq. Okay, interesting, maybe he will unearth some ancient and cursed relic. Which he did! Great! This must tie in later! We see him fly back to the US, so he’s definitely going to play a big part in this movie right? Then we find a rich actress and her daughter living in a luxe home in Georgetown. The same daughter who would later become the possessed profanity-spitting and projectile-puking host of the devil himself. We also meet a Greek priest-turned-psychiatrist who is teetering on the edge of his faith.

The painfully long setup lasted until about halfway through the movie and by that time I was teetering on the edge of my boredom threshold.

Just like a Frappuccino-toting millennial- I can’t. I can’t even bring myself to rant about this one. By the end of the movie I was cursing the poorly-done demonic voice overs, the overacting of the mother, the ominous noises in the attic, and false-sense-of-fear flickering lights. The pacing was obnoxiously slow with the majority of the script being pointless dialogue between forgettable characters. There was absolutely no atmosphere. So many plot points were introduced just to have them forgotten in the monotony of the film. The relic found by the priest in the beginning of the movie? Forget it. It doesn’t come into play at all the rest of the movie. The tropey ouija board and Captain Howdy, Possessed Girl’s imaginary friend? They don’t make another appearance. The Greek priest is probably the most relatable character, having some semblance of actual struggle, but even he couldn’t carry the movie.

Readers, I didn’t even want to write this review. The Exorcist was so uninspiring that I wish *I* was the one who was possessed. At least some part of this movie would have been exciting.

Sorry I couldn’t deliver a great Scary Movie™ review after The Taking of Deborah Logan. Maybe my next movie will inspire me.

Stay safe, readers.

Final Girl

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