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We Need to Talk About Kevin [Smith]

Yoga Hosers Review

Yoga Hosers follows two friends who must fight off a horde of Nazi sausages in a convenience store. Using their "yoga skills" and unlimited dry sarcasm, the pair fight the relentless onslaught of processed meats hoping to discover the means of their existence.

The plot, while outlandish and ridiculous, is not the problem here. The film is simply unbearable for much of its runtime. The two girls are unfortunately difficult to handle in their overly dry delivery. There is a tinge of Clerks in the humor, but this unabashed attempt to feed 'member berries with a dose of fantasy to the audience is irritatingly off-target.

I am one who found Red State to be a unique piece of cinema. I enjoyed it immensely and loved the unidentifiable style. Admittedly Smith's next entry Tusk is less entertaining and effective, but I still liked it more than most. I am a sucker for practical effects after all, no matter the synopsis or even the efficacy of the effects if you're bold about it. But Yoga Hosers was borderline unwatchable. I couldn't latch onto the appeal.

Johnny Depp's character was the highlight of the film, as it was in Tusk (same character is portrayed in both films). But it wasn't enough to save the movie from itself. The two leads, Harley Quinn Smith (daughter of Kevin Smith) and Lily-Rose Depp (daughter of Johnny Depp), just didn't work. The film felt like a project Smith decided to do in his garage and have his friends star in it. I guess that has worked out for him in the past, but he is showing there is a limit to how far his charisma and a micro budget can take him.

The humor is there, it just doesn't stick for long and the spurts aren't enough to call it successful. The horror is entirely absent and any elements remotely related to the genre are for gag laughs. The usual suspects in the casting make their appearances, but their roles aren't lovable and look like they were shot in an afternoon.

I think Kevin Smith is a talented director that just gets in his own way sometimes. In this case, he tripped himself into a pile of glowing-yellow CGI sauerkraut. Like I said in the frame above...I've never been a Kevin Smith cultist, but I have been an apologist for his most recent films. I can't bring myself to cover his back on this one.

You know, maybe this movie was just made for fun. Knowing Kevin Smith, he probably would've been fine just making this movie and just sitting back and enjoying it with the people involved and some friends he thought would get a kick out of it. He probably doesn't give a crap about others nitpicking it. And for that, if it be true, I defend the film as something that is taken to literally to even be available for critique. But seeing as it did grace the public eye, I reserve the right to give my two cents, despite the film's seemingly purposeful lighthearted treatment.

Horror Qualifier: 7/10

Horror Quality: 3/10

Film Quality: 2/10

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